It's Just a Bad Day

In general, I still do not feel well.  I am so tired.  And thanks to my back, I am also in pain.

Yesterday I felt pretty okay.  We ran some errands in the morning and then I went on a 3 mile run in the afternoon followed by a shower, a visit with family, and then dinner with a friend.   My nose was so stuffed and I was coughing all evening.  I stayed up until 1:30 which was probably too late.

I got up about 8:30 this morning which was too early.  I thought about running today, but my legs are sore from yesterday.  This depresses me a little bit.  Look how much I've lost in such a short amount of time.  The run yesterday was also very difficult.  I was coughing too much and had to force myself to stay out there for the full three miles.  It was a bit brutal and I even stayed away from all the big hills.

This morning I sat around until noon drinking coffee and catching up on Grey's Anatomy from the past few weeks.  Our son slept over at a friend's house last night so my husband and I just had a lazy morning.  But I didn't really have any gumption to do anything else.  At one point I went to refill my coffee cup and picked up my cat who wandered into the kitchen with me.  Crack!  Something in my back tweaked and now I feel awful.  I have tweaked my back before much worse than this so I'm grateful it's on the minor side, but it still infuriates me.  Don't I have enough to deal with at the moment?

This afternoon my sinuses were killing me again and I just felt so tired.  I layed down and took a nap for a couple hours.  I probably would have slept longer, but we had to meet family for dinner. 

Right now it's about 10:00 and I'm ready for bed, but I'm trying to stay awake to watch a movie with my husband.  I should just go to bed.

Why can't I get well?  Why can't I wake up one day and just feel better?  I am still taking the antibiotics, but my nose is still stuffed, my head hurts, my eyes water, and now my back joined the pain party.

To top all that off, my eating has been terrible. It really has.  I still can't taste or smell very much so the only thing I seem to feel like eating is salty foods, and not healthy foods.  I know this is just an excuse, but I guess I might be eating too much just because it gives me something to do.  Reverting to old habits?  A bit.

I'm a hypochondriac.  I keep worrying that I have some underlying health issue which is making it so I can't get well.  Maybe my immune system is compromised by a brain tumor and that's why I wake up sick day after day.  Maybe a brain tumor is why my head hurts.  Or maybe I have cancer in my sinuses.  I know such a cancer exists and I can't stop thinking about it.  It ruminates in my head, round and round.  I can't stand it.  All the usual techniques for redirection aren't working.

It's just a bad day today.  :(