New Year Approaching

I usually try not to make resolutions because they frequently fall by the wayside after about a week. But this year I definitely need to make some changes. Will these be resolutions? Regardless, the new year is approaching and there is no better time for a fresh start.

Tucker seems to not be worried about it.

Let's get this year started!! Goals 2012

From Thanksgiving until mid-January, there is a hustle and bustle about our house.  First the holidays, then birthdays.  And then I'm done until November.  My son's birthday was yesterday (he's hit the double digits now) and that marks the official end to our hustle season!  Now I feel like I can relax more and think about me.  I hope that brings about good things for both weight loss and running for me!

I've been putting some goals together for 2012.  These are things I'd like to accomplish in 2012, not resolutions.

First, the non-health related goals.

1. Finish our Disney scrapbook for our 2008 trip!  I have the pictures organized, I have all the supplies, I just need to take time to put it together.

2. Crochet an aghan.  I used to be an avid crocheter and then once everyone and their dog had a blanket from me, I kind of gave it up.  But I actually really love crocheting and would like to get back into it.  It's a great thing to do in front of the TV, that's for sure.  I already have yarn I bought a couple years ago, I just need to pick a pattern and get busy!

3. Sell stuff on eBay that is just sitting around.  This is already underway.  In the last two weeks I've made $442.16 by selling stuff on eBay.  Everything from DVDs to a Coach purse.  I have just a few more active listings and a few more things to list and then I'll be good for another couple years.  It's fun but I get kind of burnt out on it.

4. Buy an iPad.  This goes along with #3 and is what I plan to do with all the money I've made.  I still have some Christmas money, too.  I'm super excited!  I do plan to wait until after the next release/upgrade to purchase.  Sometimes I wish new electronics didn't come out so quickly!

5. We have two bathrooms that need paint!!  I would also like new towels and decor for each.  The third bathroom needs new tile, grout or both.  I want to ge these projects done!

6. Consistently save money.  This is a joint effort by both my husband and myself.  We are finally getting back on our feet a little bit and it feels good.  The next step is to put money back into savings and not accrue any additional debt!  This includes saving separately for Christmas which is a huge expense for us because we love it so much!  I want to start pre-planning for it instead of recovering after the fact.  Save. Save.  Save.  Of all my non-health goals, this is my biggest one!

Now for the ones we're really here about: the health goals!

1. Reach my goal weight.  This is the big one and seems so tough right now!

2. Once I get to my goal weight, I want to submit my story to Weight Watchers.  I have always wanted to be a featured success story.  I know I have gone back and forth about my continued relationship with WW, but I am going to stick with them, either by going to meetings or simply as an online member.  I don't have control whether they pick my story, but I do have control over reaching my goal weight and submitting my story.

3. Consistently cross train.  Ultimately, I want to be a runner, but I don't want to just run.  Cross training to me means any other intentional exercise that isn't running.  It may mean bike riding, elliptical, DVDs or simply walking on the treadmill. This activity isn't replacing running, however, it's in addition to running.

4. Run 600 miles this year. I was under 600 both last year and 2010.  2011 was actually lowest given my crash and burn during the last two months.  I have also had a slow start this January, but I can always make up the mileage.   I'm resolved to get better!  A monthly average of 50 miles should be doable, however, even while adding other activity.   

5. Run a sub 2:30 half marathon.  Yes, I plan to do another half this year, the same See Jane Run event as last year.  I also plan to go out with a goal of 2:30 again.  I hope this is my year.

Well, I'm a little late to the 2012 goal party, but here's to all of us reaching our goals!

What's your top goal this year, non-health related?

Buh-Bye July, Welcome August!!

I don't really want to rewind July because other than my half marathon (which was freaking awesome), the rest of the month in terms of my goals was not stellar.  And the scale shows it:

Starting weight: 236.8
Last week's weight: 161.0
Current weight: 162.6
Gain/loss: +1.6
Total gain/loss: -74.2
Pounds to goal (136.8): 25.8
Pounds to mini goal (149): 13.6

(In my defense, the scale showed 160 this morning so that's 2.6 down from yesterday!  I'm sure it was the salt on Sunday again.  Too much salt = my enemy.)

Briefly, in July I ran 54.43 miles and gained 3 pounds.

But August is here and I have some goals.  First of all, August is my month!!  My birthday is in August and, therefore, I love August!  So it seems fitting that I set some big goals for August.  Setting goals, achieving goals, that's what I'm doing here.  Dur.

So I declare that in August, I want to lost 10 pounds from my August 1st weight.  August first I weighed 162.6 and today I weigh 160 so that means I'm already 2.6 pounds to my 10 pound goal.  I don't think a goal of 10 pounds for the month is too lofty at all!

My next goal for August is to run 70 miles.  That is also not too lofty in that I ran over 70 miles in June.  I actually have all my runs planned out for the month and I am really excited about it.  I am going back to a Mon-Wed-Fri-Sat running schedule with long runs on Friday.  I still have two 10K races on my schedule along with that little treadmill run on 11/11/11.  I want to keep running long runs to stay strong.  I might throw a tempo or interval run in there sometimes too.

So I think these goals are realistic, and I am excited about this month.  So let's get this party started.

Don't think, just do!

I'm back.  You didn't know I was gone, did you?  Well, I've kind of been laying low and now I'm going to get back online.  But what does that mean?  Hmmm, I'm here with my stats, first.

Starting weight: 236.8
Last week's weight: 157.4 (actually May 24, last check in)
Current weight: 159.4
Gain/loss: +2.0
Total gain/loss: -77.4
Pounds to goal: 22.6

You may notice that I've gotten even farther (further?) from my goal.  Argh!  I'm not too concerned only because I've been weighing anywhere from 156 to 159 for the past month.  It's just that nothing is clicking with me right now.

As for my training, well I posted about that here, and it hasn't really gotten any better.  I'm now wishing I could just get this event over and done with.  I'm looking forward to it, but I'm ready for it to be done.  July 17th can't get here fast enough, although I hate wishing that because it's like wishing the summer to go faster. 

I'm ready to get back to my regularly scheduled running.  My best friend visited over the weekend.  She has also been running for about a year and she is doing awesome.  She really got me to thinking about how much I just miss my fitness runs.  An easy 5K a few times per week sounds excellent right now.  I have always thought that I want to become a "5 mile runner", but now I think I'm a 5K runner. I like that distance.  You have time to warm up, run, cool down, and then still do some good stretching afterwards, and still complete all of it in well under an hour.  It feels easier to add in some other activities with that distance as well.  For some reason I've had it in my head that if I'm not doing 15-20 miles a week, I'm not doing enough.  I don't know where that idea came from, but that's what I've been stuck on.  But what if I did some biking or swimming, some strength training, and some running?  Maybe only 12 miles a week, or even less?  That should be okay, shouldn't it?  I'm trying to get to a place where that feels okay.

I really need to add in some other activities.  I wouldn't say I'm getting bored with running, but I do need some additional exercises to start shaping this body.  Running is not enough.  I never thought it was, but I wasn't really ready to add anything else.  Now I feel more ready.  My friend is doing Zumba and yoga which she loves and I would like to add in something like that too.  Whether it's a class or in my basement, I just need to do it!  Do it!  Do it!  Don't think, just do!  Right?

As for my weight, I still have my goal weight set at 136.8, but right now, my mini-goal is 149.  Once I reach that number, I'm going to evaluate how I feel about where I am at.  I have been down to 152 and now I'm back up to 159 and quite possibly the 130s are too low for me.  I try not to get too fixated on a number (say 15-20 miles a week, for instance), but in my heart I know I am not happy being in the 150s so I'm not ready to change my goal yet.  But I might settle for a 90 pound loss instead of 100.  Of even an 86 pound loss.  I just want to get out of the 150s, a place I have been since November!  It's kind of freeing to think about actually, that I might find a weight that I am happy with that's not just about a number, but also about how I feel.  I have never taken the time to think about that part of it, I've always been fixated on a number.  I do believe my original goal weight was 145, but then I decided it would be fun to lose 100 pounds and changed it to 136.8.  I gotta tell you, though, 145 sounds good right now.

Size is becoming a huge thing to me, as in clothes sizes.  I wanted to wear a size 8, but I think I am okay with a size 10.  What I'm not okay with is the muffin top midsection!!  I bought some capris at American Eagle the other night, size 10.  They fit, but they are very snug in the waist!  I know some bloggers who outweigh me by 30+ pounds who are still smaller than me!  But they are very active in all around fitness activities (running, cross training, strength training) when all I do is run.  That is why I feel really ready to add in some other activities.  I might firm up and lose inches even if I don't lose 100 pounds.  145 or 149 might feel terrific if I were several inches smaller.  The only thing that can make that happen is me, and I need to take the steps and get it done.

I've learned that I can be a solitary runner (except for long runs and that's another post), but I think I need group fitness classes.  Whenever I try and start something in my basement, I quickly lose interest because it gets mundane and boring, even after 2 sessions.  Currently I don't know anyone I can work out with, but perhaps if I rejoin a gym, or find some community fitness activities, I can meet some people. I just cancelled my gym membership in February because I didn't think it was for me, but I've really been digging deep lately into just what my ultimate goals are and how I can achieve them.  Is a gym the way to do it?  I'm deciding.

I'm also still working on my workout schedule.  Morning?  Evening?  Both?  This morning was my first day back at work after a week of being on pseudo-vacation (i.e., not having to come to the office but keeping up with email and a couple projects).  We were out to dinner with friends last night and I had a few things to take care of when I got home so I didn't get to bed until after 11:30.  This means a morning run is doomed.  This late night stuff happens way too often.  That means after work I'll have to run.  And of course I'll HAVE to because of this training thing, and having to really makes me cranky.  I don't want to HAVE to!  Oh, I can't wait until this half marathon is over.

So there you have it.  Still here, still trying, still thinking more than doing.

Tomorrow is Day One

Tomorrow starts my official training for my first ever half marathon which is on Sunday, July 17.  (I start out with a rest day, awesome!)  I looked at several training plans online and adapted a couple of them into my own plan to work with my schedule.   This training schedule is 10 weeks long, and I will run on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  I will complete a yoga workout on Tuesdays and Fridays (or possibly some other DVD workout).  I will have one rest day per week.

During my regular runs I run for distance, but during my training run I will run for time.  This makes me a little nervous, but I think I can adapt.  I'm both nervous and excited to start my training.

Feel free to view my training schedule here.  You'll notice I don't have any set speed workouts on the schedule, but I do plan to add in tempo runs and interval workouts a bit.  I just don't know when.  I do have a time goal for this 1/2 marathon (2.5 hours), but mainly I just want to finish strong.  I want to feel great during my training, great during the race, AND great during the days that follow the race.  Right now, I don't feel a huge need for speed.  11 minute miles for 13.1 miles will be fine.  Just fine.

Here we go!

Bloomsday 12K Race Report - Finally

Bloomsday has been a big deal in our family for as long as I can remember.  I'm 36, this was the 35th running of Bloomsday, and my dad just completed is 30th consecutive Bloomsday.  My step mom, while only having been in my life for the past 20 Bloomsdays, also just completed her 30th consecutive.  I myself just completed my 4th Bloomsday.  But this was the first time I actually went out with a goal in mind.  The last time I participated was in 2000 and my time was somewhere around 1:45.  During that time I had been running a little bit in the morning, but I was nowhere capable of running the entire 7.46 miles.  But still, I was proud of that time because the two prior finish times were both well over 2 hours each.  One, in 1989, when I was 13 was 2:35 and the other in 1994 was about 2:15!  Anyway, lets just say I have a history with this event and my family takes it seriously.

Last year, I had been running for just a couple months when Bloomsday came along and I didn't feel like setting my sites on that distance would be a positive thing for me to do.  So I didn't sign up.  I'm still glad for that decision, although the shirt last year was seriously cute.  But even last year I knew that I would participate this year, so you could say the event has been on my calendar for over a year, looming up ahead.

As the event approached I did begin to feel a bit apprehensive.  I didn't know if I could complete it in my goal time of 1:25 and I was completely freaked about "Doomsday Hill" which starts at around 4.25 miles and finishes just after 5 miles.  All of my "long" training runs ended up being 5 miles or less (usually less) and I never hit my goal of running a 10K in the weeks leading up to the race.

What I was excited for was the Bloomsday trade show!  On Friday, the 19th, I headed down to the trade show with my parents (my dad and step mom).  There was no line for my age group/last initial so I was able to head right over to the trade show while they picked up numbers for every Tom, Dick and Harry they knew!  I ended up buying some running clothes from the Nordstrom Rack booth (that I would later discover were too small) and a new Bondi Band to match.  (Side note: the Bondi Band booth was a joke.  One person working there, who was wearing a strange combination of Bondi Bands.  All of the bands were just heaped into two piles, solid and color, and the prices were more than on the website.  There was no one even looking at the booth when I went by.  Had I not known about the, I would probably ignored too just because the presentation was so bad.)  I also found the Fuel Belt handheld water bottle that I wanted for cheaper than it was online-score!  I also found the iFitness booth and picked up a new running belt.  Unfortunately, they have been sold out of the black with purple zipper on their website for weeks and also didn't bring any to the trade show.  I was bummed about that, but I picked up the breast cancer awareness addition and it's pretty sweet (review and giveaway to come).   All in all it was a successful day and really added to the momentum of the race.  I was pumped after seeing all the gear and picking up a few pamphlets for upcoming events.  I was really wishing the race was on Saturday, but instead I had a whole day to wait.

I know you're not supposed to wear a new outfit on race day, but I really had my heart set on wearing my new clothes.  Unfortunately, given the fact that they were too small left me with little choice but to find something in my own closet.  So I spent about two hours on Saturday modeling all my clothes and coming up with something.  The weather was supposed to be sunny with a high of around 60 degrees, but I knew that standing at the start would be chilly at 8:30 in the morning.  And I wasn't sure if I wanted to wear long sleeves during the whole run!  I finally decided on wearing a short sleeve shirt with a long sleeve shirt over the top with capris.  I also took a sweatshirt which I planned to leave at the starting line.  Unfortunately, my husband slept through my departure so I have no prerace photos except for those that I took of myself.  (Apparently I was too focused on the fact that my husband was in bed that I didn't even think to have my handy-capable son do the job. Oh well.)

Another piece of anxiety for me was parking.  I wanted to park in my office building since it is right next to the starting line.  However, since I didn't plan to arrive until after 8:00 a.m. I was afraid it would be full. (I found out later I could have easily parked there saving myself some time.)  Instead I parked at one of the pay lots about a half a mile away. I set off from my car with my race belt and my sweatshirt, headed for my office building where there are real toilets and windows overlooking the start.  I planned to wait up there until it was race time.  That idea proved to be smart and dumb.  Smart because of the bathrooms, smart because it gave me a place to leave my long sleeve shirt which ended up being too warm even for the walk down there, and smart because I could drink a quick half a cup of coffee.  Dumb because I was up there for awhile and ended up getting to the back of my starting group.  I didn't think this would be a big deal because of the chip timing, but I quickly realized the error in that theory.

When I finally lined up, it was rather lonely because I was all by myself.  You might wonder why I wasn't with my parents and that is because they had a whole agenda for the morning which included picking up Tom, Dick, Harry and Sally, and attending a worship service in the park.  There were no real bathrooms on their agenda and whole lot of dilly dallying--not my style!  Anyway, it took about 45 minutes from the time I lined up until our group started moving, and about an hour until we actually started.  I had my sweatshirt with me and that was warm enough and with all the people it was quite pleasant.  I was ready to go, however!  The longer I stand there, the bigger chance I have of needing to pee during the race and that was making me anxious. 

Finally we were off and this is when I realized I wished I would have been further to the front.  This race is well organized and though out with the color groups and staggered starts, but this race also has over 50,000 people, so there is bound to be gridlock no matter what.  The further you are towards the front, based on your color group, the better your chances of being held up.  You estimate your finish time and they assign your color group based on that, and also your past finish times.  Although my estimate was 1:25, I still ended up in orange due to the lack of race history.  Orange is one of the largest groups and is in the middle of all the color groups.  And it was elbow to elbow for quite a while after the start.  I didn't want to waste energy weaving around people so I just tried to keep steady until the crowd thinned out. 

Mile 1: 11:43

I was feeling great when I saw the mile marker and was really glad to see the distance on my Garmin at 1:04.  The crowd was still fairly congested so you had to pay attention to where your feet were landing and if someone was slowing down in front of you.  I have to say I am one of those runners who gets very irritated when walkers don't keep right.  Slower traffic, keep right!  Anyway, I just paid attention and kept running.

Mile 2: 11:06

The pack is thinning out a bit, but now it's more common to be impeded by walkers.  Still, I don't want to do the weave and sprint routine because I do not want to get tired out before I reach the big hill.  I am still scared of the hill.  I know that once I am to the top, I can give it all I've got, or at least not have to worry about it anymore.  For now I am content to just keep an easy, energy saving pace.  The course up until Doomsday is far from flat so I don't want to use up all my strength too early.

Mile 3: 11:25

Mile 4: 10:52

When I saw the mile 4 sign I knew we would be getting towards Doomsday fairly soon (I'm also familiar with this town so I know the course), but seeing the sign for mile 4 put things in perspective.  I felt great, number one.  I knew I was over half way to the finish and that gave me such peace coming up to the hill.  And I start running up the hill feeling fairly strong and the crowd is really thinning out which I like, but again, the walkers are not on the right which I don't like!  About halfway up, my legs feel strong, but my lungs feel tired and I am breathing too heavy.  I decide to walk to the top.  First I'm taking big, long strides and then I remember that's dumb and I start quicker, shorter strides.  Much better.  I walk to the top of the hill water station, drink about half a cup, and set off running again.

Mile 5: 10:45

Mile 6: 10:59

I notice per my Garmin I am still on track for pace/finish time and by now I feel like I have this race in the bag. There are less than 2 miles left, it's relatively flat to the finish and I am ready to put a little more energy into it.  The weather is gorgeous and the temperature is perfect.  The crowd is thinned out and if I pay attention I will not run down any walkers.  The only draw back are those spectators who came out of their houses to cheer on the runners, with their cigarettes.  Not a wonderful thing to smell while running.

Mile 7: 10:17

I am feeling awesome, a little tired, but not in pain or anything.  I make sure and drink water at the final station so that I can keep pace to the finish.  By now I have to pee and I am cussing out my bladder.  Near the finish are hundreds of spectators cheering, I smell barbecue, and I see the lilac and purple balloons (it's the Lilac Bloomsday Run)  flanking the finish line.  I am ready to finish strong.

Mile: .46 of 7.46 5:43 (a pace of 10:15)

I try and smile when I cross the finish so I can have a good picture, but I have no idea on what side the camera is or if it's both.  Mostly what I know is that I feel awesome.  I remembered to stop my Garmin about 10 seconds past the finish and see the time is 1:22:55 for 7.58 miles.  I had surpassed my goal of 1:25.  And I felt great.  I was noticing many people around me complaining about their legs, their hips, their feet.  But me?  I think I probably had a smile plastered on my face all the way through the T-shirt lines.  I was amazed at how awesome I felt, seriously.  Not only had I achieved my time goal, but I ran Bloomsday!!  It is hard to explain what that feels like, but having been around people for years and years who run or walk this event annually, I am so proud to have completed this event with a time to be proud of.  For some, 11 minute miles are laughable, but for me, it is success.  For me, it means that I'm living my life instead of watching it go by.  I went to go to the Bloomsday after party (read: food fest) at my parents as a real participant, not just as someone who likes to eat.  No other race finish has had such a profound effect on me.  I loved every minute of this race, even dodging the walkers.  I am a runner!!

Purple shirt, purple Bondi Band, purple Ryders glasses--this is the Lilac Bloomsday Run, after all.

Looking back on the event, I think I could have pushed myself more in the beginning if I weaved through crowd.  I am already planning on returning next year with a goal time of 1:15.  Hopefully my goal for next year along with my time from this year will put me in a more forward color group.  If not, I'll just have to get there earlier to line up!

I'm disappointed that I don't have a good race photo, or any race photo really.  There is a couple of the entire finish line which I am in, but I am a speck in the crowd.  I can order it and crop it, but there is no way to view it cropped to even see how it looks.  And since I had no cheering section I didn't get any race photos along the way either.  I didn't meet up with my parents at the finish which turned out to be a good thing since they didn't get home until about two hours after me!  Dilly dallying I tell you!

My official finish time was 1:22:40. The only drawback to the day: a tan line on my face from the ol' Bondi Band.  Oops.

Whew!  That was long.  Thanks for reading!

Quickie Check-In

Last Monday's weight: 156.6
Today's weight: 153.8
Loss: 2.8 pounds (9 days)

At this weight, my BMI is considered normal if I say I'm 5'6".  It is still overweight at 5'5".  Regardless, I want to get below 150!  Then there is no borderline.  I wll be in the 140s and I will have a healthy BMI!  I have not been logging my food, but aside from Sunday's splurge, I have been eating fairly well.  For some reason logging anything seems too tedious.  I'm trying to keep things in check on the eating front.  I'm hoping to get below 150 before my half marathon on July 17.

My half marathon training officially starts next week.  I'm following a 10 week program which calls for 4 runs a week and I will also continue with 2 yoga workouts.  I am still working out my run schedule.  I have been running M,Tu,W,F with yoga on Tu,Th, but I might need to break up the rest days with the increase in mileage.  I'm considering a running schedule M,T,Th,Sa with yoga on W,F.  I'm just not sure if planning my long runs on Saturday is a smart idea.

This week I am running and resting.  I will still post the Bloomsday race recap, but for now I'll say that I was riding the high from my results through a rest day on Monday until 1 mile into a run yesterday.  And oh boy, my legs were tight and somewhat rebellious.  I finished all 3.1 miles, but it was fairly slow and I stopped to stretch a couple times.  This morning, just 12 hours later, I headed out for another 3.1.  There is something that's certain--my muscles do not like cold temps.  This morning it was about 35 degrees and it was a very hard run.  The sun was shining so I wanted to get outside, but I think when it's below 40 degrees, I'm just better off to hit the mill.  Tomorrow I recoup with some yoga, and then I'll run another 3-5 on Friday.  I will rest Saturday and Sunday and then start my official training on Monday 5/9!!  Yay!!

One Year Later

I must post today as it was one year ago today that I started on the journey to health.  Unfortunately, I am not feeling all that creative or philosophical tonight so this will be quick.

Some of my accomplishments:

• I have lost 80 lbs (officially 79 at weigh in, but 80 as of this morning, and before Christmas).
• I started and completed the Couch to 5K running program.
• I can now run a 10K without stopping to walk, longest run to date is 6.5 miles.
• I can run for an hour on the treadmill, all the while staring at a red wall.
• I have run a mile in less than 10 minutes.
• I have gone from a tight size 18 to a comfortable size 10.

Some things I've learned:

• My passion for cooking is coupled with my passion for eating.  The less I cook (new, fancy recipes), the better off I am.
• I can accomplish that which I put my mind to.
• I don't actually want to be skinny, I want to be fit and healthy.
• I actually like running in the cold weather.

Some goals to reach in 2011:

• I want to reach my goal weight of 136.8 and learn about maintenance.
• I want to run (on average) a 10 minute mile pace.
• I want to run Bloomsday in May (a 12K) without stopping to walk, even on the dreaded Doomsday hill!
• I want to run 10 miles without stopping to walk.
• Mostly I want to make it through winter intact, still running, and weighing less.

Now, on to year 2!  There will be more accomplishments, and more learning, and more goals.  As long as I'm moving forward, I'll be happy.  Of course I'd like to reach my goal weight like tomorrow, and run those 10 miles like next week, but one day at a time....

Thank you for reading my blog! I appreciate it so much!

Weight Loss

My problem with weight started when I was about 8. And I wasn’t even overweight. But my family was and my mom let them know it by putting herself, my brother, and my father on a diet. While I dined on macaroni and cheese they ate frozen melon balls. While I ate cookies and my brother ate veggies, I bragged about the fact that I didn’t have be on a diet like HIM. He was fat, I was not, and I decided I’d gloat about it.

I do not remember a lot of the particulars about their diet and my lack of one; I do remember knowing that they were all indeed fat. And I remember that I wasn’t. I think that was the last time I ever felt comfortable in my body.

I am now 35 years old and the age of 8 seems like a very long time ago, 27 years for those of you who can’t do simple math. Twenty-seven years of fighting the battle of the bulge, sometimes winning, mostly losing.

In sixth grade I wore a size 7 shoe and a size 13 jean and I knew by then that I was bigger than the other girls my age. It was about that time that I started binging and hiding it. Back then, when I didn’t know how to cook much (and wasn’t really allowed to anyway) I ate things like Top Ramen, cream of mushroom soup, or rice cakes topped with various, often interesting (i.e. disgusting) concoctions including, but not limited to, molasses, Karo syrup, peanut butter, coconut, butter and honey. Yes, sometimes many of those things at once. I can still remember trying to hold the rice cake very still and level so that none of the molasses or other sludge would run down the side. I absolutely hated getting anything sticky on my hands!

I went on my first “diet” during the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I was 12. My plan was to not eat and exercise. Seemed simple enough. Lasted about 14 hours, though. Luckily I didn’t lapse into depression over it or anything, I just went about my pudgy life. Depression about weight would come much later in my life.

For the next three years or so, I thought about my weight a lot, but I never really did anything about it or made any effort to watch what I was eating. I know that I still hid food and binged sometimes. Luckily my efforts were hindered by opportunity or else it could have been much worse I'm sure.

The first weight I remember actually seeing on the scale was 135 and that was in 8th grade. And so began my lifelong relationship with the scale.

-I weighed 166 the first time I went to Weight Watchers when I was a junior in high school and proceeded to lose 35 pounds.
-I weighed between 122 and 127 in 1993.
-I weighed 130 when I met my husband in 1995.
-I weighed 135 when we got married in 1996.
-I weighed 165 when I went back to Weight Watchers in 1999 and lost 35 lbs again and became a lifetime member.
-I weighed 158 in 2001 when I got pregnant.
-I weighed 212 the week before I gave birth in 2002.
-I weighed 196.6 in 2004 when I joined LA Weight Loss and proceeded to lose 50 pounds.
-I weighed 236.8 in September 2008 when I rejoined weight watchers and proceeded to lose 60 lbs.

And there are many other weights in between. The highest weight I have ever seen on the scale is 236.8. The lowest weight I have ever seen is 122.5. Is it really weird that I know this?

It was just over 17 months ago that I went to Weight Watchers and started what I thought would be my last weight loss program. And I didn’t even think of it as a diet, just like “they” say. I felt excited and ready to start the program, and as the weight started coming off, I felt more and more confident that I was finally winning the battle I had fought for so long.

But as it turns out I never really lose weight. I always seem to find it again.

I weighed 232.2 today when I started this program again.