If I was a Smurf, I'd be Fickle Smurf.

Remember this post, about how I was saying good-bye to Weight Watchers?  Yeah, that was just last Thursday.  And today, Tuesday, I reactivated my account.  Apparently I'm not ready to sever our relationship.  I'm not sure why.  I feel like it would be so much easier just to count calories, yet I feel like I want to succeed with WW.  I started this journey with WW and it seems like I should finish it with WW. 

As of today I am just over 10 pounds above the lowest weight I've seen on this journey.  And that freaks me out!  I mean, it scares the daylights out of me.  How how how can I have gained 10 pounds when my workouts have been consistent?  Answer: eating too much!  Obviously, right?!  Well, why can't I get it together and knock it off?!  Honestly, I don't know what isn't clicking in the food department these days.

Each day I wake up with a new resolve.  I think about how I will plan my meals and stick to plan.  But inevitably something comes along and I'm derailed.  Sometimes it's a lunch out with coworkers, not too big a deal, but  usually it's something more detrimental, like a big dish of froyo (with toppings) after my Points are already gone for the day, or a bunch of chips, or possibly some popcorn followed up with a few (yes, a few) granola bars.  These choices are costing me and I simply cannot do it anymore.  If I regain the weight I've lost I will surely go crazy.  I cannot go back to that place.

So as fickle is as fickle does, I'm thinking about recanting this decision too.  I really think I want a gym membership again, and I really think I want to go to the gym for some group fitness classes; however, my husband still isn't working and we are facing the end of the unemployment very soon.  If we reach that point, unfortunately we will have to file for bankruptcy.  Remember this?  Yeah, we've been paying the bills, but when the bills exceed the income what else can you do?  Anyway, I'm not sure a gym membership can fit into the new single income budget.  Although an investment into health can be a wonderful thing, right?  And if I went regularly, the cost could be justified.  But I would have to go in the morning, and how many times can I say I am not a morning person?  But I do prefer working out in the mornings and there are some awesome classes available in the morning.  So what do I do?  Luckily I can join without a contract, but I still have to pay the "joiner fee" which is $50, a fee I already paid once only to cancel the membership 7 months later.  $50 can buy a lot of froyo...oh wait, I'm supposed to be cutting that out.

Well, anyway, like sands through the hour glass, these are the decisions of my fickle life.