the past is the past

While I sit and wait FOREVER for my iPhone to update, I shall tell you about my run the other night.

It was Monday.

First, I was a little late getting out of work (as per usual) and all the way home I thought I would head straight out for a run before dinner.  You see, my son was sick with a sore throat and had been home on his first day of summer all day with my husband, so I didn't think he would possibly need to EAT the minute I walked in the door.  WRONG.  I walk in: "Mom, can you make me something to eat?"

(Did you see that word 'MOM' in the quote?  He's 8 and is already starting to call me MOM as opposed to MOMMY as I am accustomed.  It kind of makes me sad.  I'm MOMMY!)

Anyway, I put plans for my run on hold while I head to the kitchen to make double noodle soup for him and tomato soup and grilled cheese for my husband and me.  And then we eat.  And now it's around 7:00 or so.

I give myself a bit for the food to settle because I know running right after I eat = disaster.  So long about 7:17 I get outside to run, hopefully while it doesn't rain.

About 30 seconds into it, I realized that running sucks.  Truly.  That's what I was thinking while asking myself why am I doing this, again?  How is it that one run can come along and make you question everything you've been doing for the past 4+ months?!  So I ran for a bit, then walked, then tried to run, then limped home.  To the treadmill, always my trusty friend.  I ran for about 10 minutes on that, then walked for about 10, then raised the incline and ran for another 10.  But still, my heart wasn't in it and the rest of me was questioning my sanity.  And all evening afterwards I regretted that run.  (I also regretted watching "PS I Love You" while I was on the treadmill because really, why is Hilary Swank in that movie?  I like her in the dramas, 'Boys Don't Cry", "Million Dollar Baby", etc.  But romantic comedies?  Huh uh.  Give me Jennifer Garner, Isla Fisher, even Amy Adams.  NOT HILARY for crying out loud!  That move could have been so awesome with another actress who has smaller teeth.)

So after the shitty run--and I hardly ever swear, but it was a shitty run, no other adjective to describe it--I woke up the next day with a different attitude.  Instead of regretting it, I was determined to figure out why it was the way it was.  Was it eating too close to running?  Was it the cloudy, dreary, cold evening that just made a person want to crawl into bed, screw this running business!  Did I not stretch enough?  Did I cut my warm up walk too short?  All of the above?  Mainly I focused on putting that shitty experience behind me and never letting it happen again.  Mostly, I found a way to look forward to the next run instead of dwelling on what was.

Don't look back; always look ahead.

This I am doing a lot.  The other day I was reading my journal and long about April of 2009 I was stoked to have "found the zone" knowing I would never lose control of my eating habits again.  Um, that abviously was not the case since that was actually the beginning of where I am today.  It all started with a bread bunny on Easter last year.  Just one more piece, just need a little more bread with peanut butter, just need to eat the ears before bed, just need to finish off the legs so it doesn't look like a masacred rabbit, just want a bit more peanut butter on the foot, and so on and so forth.  But focusing on that really doesn't help matters at all.  In fact, if I let it, it could really upset and depress me.  So instead I am thinking about NOW.  How I am closing in on 60 pounds lost!  60 pounds that I am running away from.  It doesn't matter how I got here, only that I don't plan to get here again.  Each new day can be a new start, no matter what happened yesterday, last week, or last year.

Now before I forget, I must tell you about a great blog I have discovered.  Lyn, has lost 80 pounds!!  She has been documenting her weight loss in pictures and the transformation is amazing.  Check her out if you have a moment.

Good night.  The iPhone is STILL updating but I must retire to my chambers.