But I can't go back, I can only go forward so here I am laying it all out there AGAIN. I have updated the badge on this blog to show pounds to goal instead of pounds lost. That's the number I need to focus on.
I'm moving forward from today. Is today different? Is today the day that everything comes together for me? I don't know. It feels like a good day, I feel motivated to begin. But I know I have felt this way before. Only time will tell.
I still cannot decide to make the break from Weight Watchers. I don't know why. It's like a crutch or something. And then there's that desire I have to be a featured success story, or at least apply! If I cancel my membership, am I cancelling that dream? It's not as if that dream is giving me a whole lot of motivation these days so cancelling shouldn't make too much of a difference. I guess it's just the idea of it. I seem to have the inability to make a decision on this subject. Ugh!
I have a funeral to go to in the coming days, and my cousin is getting married next month. I, of course, have nothing to wear. Do I buy something that will serve both purposes, or do I buy two things. Do I buy something for the funeral now, and wait until closer to the wedding to buy the outfit for that? Like maybe I'll be thinner then...
In other news, my hair is falling out! Not in clumps, but I'm definitely shedding way more than I used to and I can see my scalp way more than I could before. Even my hairdresser noticed! I went to the doctor to rule out any deficiencies or thyroid issues and all is well. Of course, I want to be healthy, but I want an answer to this hair loss. The only other explanation is stress. My doctor said that hair loss in relation to a stressful even usually occurs 3-6 months after the event. Well, this shedding has been going on for awhile now, probably 3 months. So all timelines point to the fact that it could be related to the stress of my husband returning to work, my returning to the bad place, and also switching up medications that I have taken for years. I have since quit taking one (about 4 weeks ago) that "could" attribute to the issue. Nothing is really concrete in that regard. What is certain is that I'm freaking out!! My hair is the one constant in my life. My weight can go up and down, but my hair has always been my best feature. At my heaviest weight ever, I still received compliments on my hair. And now it's falling out! So that's just something else to stress about! It could also be the major dietary change I've made over the last 9 or so months. Less nutrion, way more junk.
So, today, for the sake of my hair, I'm making another last ditch effort to get back on track. (I don't know if it's "last ditch" if you keep doing it over and over, though.) I know that if I was running and eating better, I would feel better. That would descrease my stress level. We have settled into being a two-working-parent family again, and while I still stress a bit over child care, it's not like it was 6-9 months ago. School is starting soon, but I'm trying to remain calm and worry free about that. I just want to focus on me right now. There are three weeks left of summer! That's hardly any time at all. My son is away at camp this week so these first couple days of cutting out the junk should be easier when I only have to worry about me (my husband doesn't get dinner when my son is gone, LOL.) So that's the plan.
I'm also making a last ditch effort with this blog. My URL renewal is in October so I need to decide if I still want to
I hope it's more than just a story. I hope it's my life. My health matters.
My hair started thinning, too. A lot. I think mine had do with an extremely low fat diet when I first started WW. I've done two things that have since helped reverse the trend: I take 1 teaspoon of olive every morning (and sometimes another before bed) to make sure I'm getting my healthy oil every day, and I take Biotin daily (about 5000 mcg). Stress can also be a factor, but if you're not getting enough fat in your diet (sounds contrary to a weight loss regimen, I know) it could manifest itself in hair loss.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Hang in there girl. I'm starting again right with you. The old "filling foods" Weight Watcher plan worked for me a few years ago and I don't care what their current plan is now, I'm going to go back and try what worked before. No matter what the plan is, I know what's healthy and it's just so hard not to grab something unhealthy when I'm stressed or rushed.
ReplyDeleteGood luck my friend. You have accomplished so much, and inspired me so many times, you can do it again. I'm counting on you!
I've been losing my hair lately too - I always do when I'm stressed. And with stress comes bad eating, so I have two strikes. Hope you figure out how to get yourself back on track - I'm struggling lately too, and am trying to mix it up a bit to breathe some new life into my motivation.
ReplyDeleteI've been right there with you. I fell right back into my old unhealthy habits and gained a bunch of weight again. I feel awful. I look awful. I'm miserable. I know that if I return to all of those things that worked before, I will get back on track. However, I just can't seem to do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure we'll both find the motivation we need. I'm rooting for you! :)